BESIDE THE STILL WATERS.
In September 1903 I returned to China. I can neve: forget the first Chinese dinner I had with my friends in Shanghai! Oh, how I enjoyed it! Food never taste: So delicious before.
Some of my European friends feared that I might have been spoiled by living with missionaries, and om dear friend warned me, out of her heart of love, sayin; that I must not be disappointed if in any way I no found myself treated somewhat differently. I though to myself that it had not all been spoiling, though it wa: true that I had had the privilege of learning much o} Western customs, and though because of physical weal: ness I could not avail myself of the opportunity o} increasing my knowledge of English to any considerabl extent, still I had been greatly helped by listenin: continually to it, and my timidity in speaking was over. come; for all this I am ever grateful.
I met my sister and her husband and their seve: children on my way to them. It was a happy meeting. But I found that though they were exceedingly kin and loving to me, yet they could not seem to enter wit me into the joy of things pertaining to the Kingdom of God, as I was then once more brought back like th prodigal son and was enjoying the presence of my Father. Soon after my arrival I asked my sister one day if we could have family worship in the evening, but she said, ““No, we have not time for it.’’ It was such a grief to me to find my only sister, who had been brought up under the same Christian influence as myself, gone so far from God as not even to appreciate family prayer, although she would do anything for me, because she joved me very devotedly and still does. As time went on, I thought of another plan, which I hoped would get them to read the Bible, and that was to ask each one of them to repeat a verse from the Scriptures at the breakfast table. They consented to it, but only for my sake, as I could see quite plainly. One morning when my sister had forgotten to prepare a verse, and did not wish to go back to look up one, she just said, ‘‘ Jesus wept.’” And that was the end of Scripture at breakfast.
I was told afterward that when I first came to them they used to tell their friends that though they were very glad to have me back again, they feared my mind was not quite right, for some reason, and so my brotherin-law, being a very clever doctor, often tried to get me to read some new books with the hope of diverting my mind from the one direction. At last God made plain to me that I had tried enough plans of my own and that I should leave it with Him, and speak quietly, by my life, rather than by my words. How little I realized the truth of being a “living epistle..... read by all’?! During that time God assured me that He would save them in His own time and also bless the Church with which they were connected.
T had felt for two years before I returned that God had a work for me in China, and it was my intention not to receive any salary for my service as I knew that I could support myself by practising medicine or by giving primary teaching in English, It became clear at tli time that I was to rent a house in the same city in whic! my sister was living, and preach the Gospel to all wit! whom I might come into contact. A dear missionar, friend suggested that I should make this plan known t some of my friends among the official class with whom had come into touch when I was in the hospital, an with the help of my kind friends some of these sub’ scribed a certain amount for the work. Another friend because of her interest in me, advised me to take Bible-woman’s salary in case I might need it, but refused at first; however, upon further urging by m dear friend, I consented, with the understanding that thi money could be used for another Bible-woman if I di not need it myself. Shortly after the Lord led me to g to the part of the city near to the church, so that would be near the pastor and his family. I asked Go that if it was His will for me to work there He woul show me a suitable house; and in a few days I found new house for a reasonable rent. My brother-in-la was very kind in helping with all this, as I had not ha any experience in business of this sort at that time. had been asking my Father to give me two servants, # man and a woman, and one day upon my return with my brother, after settling about the house and paying the first month’s rent (as it had to be paid in advance), I found that God had already answered my prayer by giving the two servants; and so one thing after another proved His hand in it all.
Just a few days before I was to move into the new house my sister and her husband said to me that, if in any case I should fail financially, it would be a very sad matter, seeing that I had the house-rent and the two servauts beside my own living to provide for, and would it not be wise for me not to undertake this work at present. At the moment, I could hardly understand how they could have changed their minds so suddenly, as they had been so interested in the work and had helped all they could to get it started. I replied that it was too late to draw back for everything was arranged and I did not think that God would have me withdraw from what had been planned. About half an hour later there came a letter from a dear Chinese sister in the Lord, written somewhat like this: ‘‘ My dear Sister: I want you to reconsider the work which you have been trying to undertake, and look into the matter more prayerfully, for I hear that things have taken an opposite course; the subscriptions are not to be collected and the money already given is to be returned because of some misunderstanding.’’ This was confirmed shortly after by another letter. As soon as I read the letter I went to my Heavenly Father, saying that if it was His will that I should withdraw from the work I was even willing to confess that I had made a mistake, though it would be a great humiliation, as I had told my friends that I felt it was God’s will for me to take up this work. The answer came through His Word, ‘‘I will give you an expected end.’’ Jer. 29: 11. With this I went ahead in preparation for moving. On the morning when I was to move there came a pastor from another city, who was also a dear friend in the Lord, urging me not to move; I told him that I was only obeying my Heavenly
Father’s will in all this. Then my sister came in and said to my friend, ‘‘ Mr., you might as well cease talking to her, for when my sister decides to do anything there is no going back, so come and help her to move.’” It seemed that God had just sent him for that purpose, as he was a very experienced man in such work.
While my sister and brother-in-law feared and trembled for me, they did all they could to help, and I ever thank God for it all.
Many have been the troubles caused by my own simplicity and slow comprehension, and often I have been misunderstood, even by my nearest friends, but God has in His great mercy and love given me true joy in obeying, and in walking quietly alone with Him if He so desires, and being perfectly satisfied, when He says ‘‘I know it all." I know I have grieved my dear Lord many times since He has brought me back to Himself, but it is the sincere desire of my heart to walk so as to please Him.
It was in January 1904 that I entered upon new work. The first night in the new house with two strange servants, I wakened up in the middle of the night with a deep sense of loneliness and fear, but was strengthened again by that ever sweet and almost audible voice saying, ‘‘I am here and there is no need of fear.’’ Most of the money was now to be withdrawn from me, but the Lord assured me that He would make it right, though I did not know how He was going to do it. At this time I was still hoping to practise medicine, but I soon found out that it was not His will; God gave me, however, perfect peace in my heart. My sister and brother-in-law were very auxious about me, though I was ignorant of it. They told my friends that they were quite sure that the time would come when I would have to sell my things for living expenses and they were going to advance the money for me,—they told me all this afterward, themselves. At the same time they pitied my deluded mind and would send me things which they thought I needed.
Two months later a call came to take a meeting at the Women's Conference in connection with my friend’s mission, and God showed that I was to accept it at once in order not to show any ill-feeling about what had happened; and indeed He had so undertaken for me that I could really say from my heart that I took it all from God, and He kept telling me to look at it from their standpoint and perhaps I would have done the same thing. I was tempted again and again to wonder how my Christian friends could so suspect my sincerity. At one time, when talking with my brother-in-law, I found tears in my eyes, and in an instant it came over me that I was pitying myself and thus feeding the flesh, and I went to the Lord at once for forgiveness.
The time came for me to leave for the Conference, but still no money came. Upon my arrival at my destination, I met the sister who wrote me before about the work, and she asked if God had given me the money, and I said, ‘‘Not yet.’’ ‘‘ Well,’ she said, ‘‘ God is going to give it soon, for my husband said this morning, ‘If Miss Vii has not received any money from another source, I think I will give her the hundred dollars. ’”? I said to my friend that she must not mention it again until her husband gave it himself. In the meantime, we laid the matter before the Lord. ‘Two weeks later, she came to me one morning with her face beaming, and said that her husband had asked her to take the money tome. We were very thankful to God for thus auswering our prayers, and soon after that I returned to my rented house and lived there for nearly a year. That was one of the most precious years iu my life! It seemed as if God was with me in person all the time. He knew that my faith was weak and immature, and so He revealed Himself to me in a special way. Often, when I did not know how the next day’s need could be met, He supplied all when the time came, even using one of my brother-in-law’s heathen friends to send in food one Sunday, when some guests came and I had not enough to put before them.
God taught me many precious lessons during that time.
One day, while sitting in my study, a vigorous knock came, and a little boy was ushered in. I asked him what he wanted, but he gave no reply and seemed to be troubled. After waiting for nearly fifteen minutes he said, ‘‘I have broken one of my playmate’s bottles.” Of course that explained the whole matter, for as long as he was in my house he was safe from his companions! Oh, for the wisdom of that child, to run into the ‘‘ City of Refuge’’ to escape! Onr’s is not only to vw iz, but to “‘ adide”’ there continually.
Though being upheld and sustained by my Father’s wonderful love, I was not without the common household trials. For a concrete case, the servants would do things directly contrary to my order, and I found myself often becoming irritable with them. I knew it would soon weaken my spiritual life, but again my loving Father showed me how to take even these little trials to Him, and soon I found a great deliverance from them.
A very sweet little story was told by a dear child of God not long ago about one who had just been brought to Christ. When he was asked what he would do if Satan came again to tempt him, he answered that since Christ had come to be his Lord he would ask Him to go to his heart’s door to meet Satan, and when Satan saw Christ, he would say, ‘‘I am sorry, I have made a mistake.”
I remember that on one occasion the Lord seemed to have ceased speaking to me for a week, and oh, how lonely aud dark those days were! I tried to search my heart, but could not find out the cause,of this interruption in the sweet fellowship I had enjoyed, and I began to ask Him to search me. Soon He put His finger on the very spot by reminding me of a certain thing in which I did not obey, and therefore He could not go on to teach me any more until the first lesson was appropriated. Well has Dr. G. Campbell Morgan said, ‘‘ Obedience to truth seen is one qualification for further vision.’”
It was not until then or_a little before this that I first began to read any of ue books written by such men as Mr. Andrew Murray, Mr. D. L. Moody, and others. The greatest joy in reading those books was to find others who seemed to have a similar experience in their lives, and it was such a comfort to me, though I never doubted at the time that it was God who had been leading me. I had been so alone in my spiritual life, both in joy and in suffering, that it was a great comfort to find companionships, though God has all along been leading in that narrow path until it seems to me that even my Lord and I cannot walk side 6y side—I have to walk in Him and He in me. ‘Abide in Me and Lin you’? is the wonderful truth! Christ and I are to change places; mine to “‘sit with Him in the heavenly places.” ‘Your life is hid with Christ in God.” While down below, ‘“‘it is no longer I that live, but Christ liveth in me.’’ “What a life of freedom, what a life of victory to have Him as our Lord and all in all!
In the fall of 1904, when coming home one day in a small boat with my. sister, she said that she felt as if she had been a hypocrite; though she was going to church and doing a great many things in connection with the church, yet her heart was not in it. While she was weeping for her sins I was rejoicing in my heart because I knew that the work of the Spirit had begun. ‘The Lord saved my sister and her husband and two of their oldest children about the same time (almost without each knowing of the others’ experience) through a dear servant who was holding a series of revival meetings. (My brother-in-law has now been engaged in evangelistic work for a period of five years.)
At the request of some of the friends who were present, another ten days of meetings were held two months later, and then I also was privileged to attend. It was decided that there should be a separate meeting for the women, from nine to twelve o'clock each morning, and I was asked to take a part init. I hesitated a little at first, but comforted myself in the thought of having two missionary ladies taking the larger share, but to my great agitation in the morning before the day on which the meetings were to commence a message arrived stating that they would be able to come only ouce or twice, so that most of the work fell on me, and it seemed such a very great burden! I had never undertaken any work like this before and I did not know what to do, and pleaded with God to send someone else, as I felt unfit for the work. Asa child I used to lisp and could not speak plainly and would always make blunders when trying to tell any story, so that it was anything but pleasant to the listeners.
The day came for the meetings to commence, and I rose up at 5 o'clock that morning earnestly asking God to give me a message, but He did not seem to answer my prayer at the time. When the church bell began to ring, I took my Bible and went in fear and trembling; but God kept telling me, ‘‘I will put my own words into your lips when the time comes.’’ But I said, ‘‘ Lord, the time has come, the bell has rung, and the people are gathering.’’ To my surprise, however, I did not seem to have any of my anticipated difficulties, and there was blessing in the meeting. You would think that that was enough proof of God’s faithfulness to me, as well as reproof of my unbelief in the loving Father who had been so gracious; but no, I went on for ten days in succession doing the same thing!