THE CALL TO SERVICE.
In the year 1908 God began to send me forth to different missions to bear testimony to His great love and to His wonderful salvation. Though immature and ignorant in many things, yet He used even my feeble testimony in blessing to His people. But there yet remained very ‘‘ much land’’ for me to possess.
One day I was shopping. The man cheated me. This was one of the things I thought I would not and could not tolerate, and so I said that I would not take the goods and demanded that my money should be returned to me. What I said was not wrong in itself, but my cheeks flushed and the tone of my voice changed and I was moved within. When I returned home, God brought the whole scene before my eyes and I saw myself from another’s point of view, and He said, ‘‘ Those people in the store never saw the gentle spirit of Christ in you.’’ Oh, what a pang it was to my heart! I felt so ashamed and so grieved to think of veiling Christ with such a trivial thing. It was a lesson ever to be remembered: to be willing to be defrauded rather than to fight, even when it is right to do so from the human standpoint, for ‘‘I have been crucified with Christ,’ not only dead to sin, but also to that which is right, and to lay down all, so that the life of Christ may be manifested. If Christ had fought for His rights, He would never have been crucified, and there could never have been the salvation which God had planned in His heart, His tender love showed me this that His sacrificial love might be shown through me.
It was not until about this time, or a little before, that God began to allow me to come into contact with some of His children with whom I felt at one in Him, and even then, He had repeatedly to restrain me from following them and going to them for consultation and sympathy, though at the same time teaching me not to get into a spirit of independence of such fellowship, but always to await His time. Satan used to torment me with the thought of having offended people after I had delivered God’s message, and on one occasion I felt so badly that I spoke of it to my friend, who happened to call on me just im the midst of my distress. She comforted me by saying that I was only giving my own experience, and so it could not have been an offence to the people. I was very much relieved by hearing this, but instantly there came such a reproof from God for trusting more in man’s approval than in His Word, for I knew that He had given me the message. Oh, for obedience iu speaking His Word so as not to be biassed by one’s own judgment or desirous of the approval of man!
One of my first calls was to the city which I had not visited for many years. One day I was informed that the meeting would be necessarily small that afternoon on account of a birthday celebration given to two missionaries. The church was very prettily decorated and almost full of beautiful presents. The service was composed mostly of the praise for the life-long service of the workers. It came over me (though not to under- estimate the valuable service which had been rendered by the dear and feithful ones) that the praise and honor should be given to God Who had sustained and preserved them with His own Life. It seemed sad to me that the Church of Christ had not risen above the level of the ordinary Chinese custom. On the other hand, it is our privilege to forward all the praises to the Creator to Whom all the glory and honor are due, and we should never allow them to remain with us, which may mislead the people and at the same time load our own souls down so as to prevent our rising up higher and higher as we journey heavenward.
Again, during one Christmas, which I spent some of my friends, God gave me a revelation of how He was grieved over so many of us during that time. Christmas, of course, was not observed by the Chinese until not many years ago, and to most of us it has been a time of returning gifts or showing our appreciation of the kinduess of our friends during the past year; which in its own time and place would not be wrong. God showed me, first of all, how we were so taken up with our presents, either in giving or receiving, that we neglected ministry to Him Whose birthday we were celebrating. Secondly, as He came to give Himself for sinners and for His enemies, so Christmas is not a time to entertain our friends. ‘‘ When thou makest a feast, bid the poor.... because they have not wherewith to recompense thee.’’
~-e* At that time I bad an idea that perhaps my worst trials and temptations were over, but I was quite mistaken, for cach temptation seemed to be more severe than the previous one. For three years God allowed me to be sorely tried by my maid-servant, and through her untruth some of my dear friends were turned against me, without trying to confirm the statements made. The hardest trials in the Christian life are perhaps those which come through those to whom we would naturally look for help and sympathy because of their position in the Kingdom of God. This was ever a lesson to me, not to pass any judgment and criticism until I know for myself. nd
At one of the special meetings I met a schoolmate with whom I had had an unpleasant experience some twelve years before, though I took it patiently at the time, so much so that some of my friends thought it really wrong for me to have taken it so silently; yet afterwards I lost my temper on hearing her boasting of the attitude she had taken toward me. God showed that I was to make a confession for that. The tempter whispered at once that if any confession was necessary, her’s should be the first, as she was the one who had done wrong, and besides that, I was now a worker and it would surprise the people very much to know that I had been working all this time with this sin in my heart unconfessed. But thank God, by this time He had taught metoobey. This had not been brought to my mind until that time, and according to the Scriptures confession of sin is to be made when the sin is revealed to one. Leviticus 4:6.
For six months God kept asking me if I loved Him as I did before, and whether I was doing all this work simply for Love's sake or because I had now become known as a worker. My answer was, “Lord, Thou knowest my heart, I do love Thee,’’ but that was not the answer to the question. At last He pressed it so upon me that I had to confess honestly that I was de- Parting from the ‘first love.” What mustI do? He said I should do nothing, but come apart and He would show me the things that I should know. It was in the winter of 1907 that, left the work and went to a place where to my surprise, there were about five others (pastors and preachers), who felt the same need of coming apart and being refilled with His Spirit. The difficulty that confronted us was as to where we should|'go for such a time, but finally we succeeded in finding a place, though not easily. During that time God revealed to me many of my shortcomings, and above all, the departure from this ‘‘first love.’ He showed me that all my service to Him must be based upon this love, or He could not be pleased to accept it. God has ever been trying to develop my life in this wonderful love which indeed ‘“passeth understanding” and in its presence all difficul-
Once more He sent me out into the work, and when starting for the first meeting, after this time of waiting, a dear motherly friend said to me, ‘‘ Now, Dora, you are going out with new power for service.” I knew that there was nothing between the Lord and myself, yet I did not seem to have the consciousness of any new power, and as far as feeling was concerned, I had less than ever. I had not quite understood that God was weaning me from the ‘‘first principles of the oracles of God’’ and leading me more and more into a life of;
faith in this line too. There were about sixteen of us, gathered together at this meeting, nearly all of them workers, and God gave us a mighty revival. The Spirit of deep conviction fell upon us all, confessions and restitutions were made according to the Scriptures. The pastor of the church took two days to make confession to his church-members, as he felt the sin of starving God’s ‘‘ flock” by not feeding them with the ‘‘ Word of Life,’ and at the same time making them to serve him. The people first wept over their sins, and afterwards wept for joy. Though weeping is not always the evidence of godly sorrow, yet in true repentance, some fruit is always shown. Matthew iii. 8; Lev. vi. 1-5; iv. 14. Many have been taught to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their past sins, and in the assurance of future glory, but they have failed to realize the importance of living a life of victory over sin every day, for it is the will of the Father that His children should be delivered ‘‘ out of this present evil world.”
In the year 1908 some of us felt the need of a place in Shanghai where God’s people, and especially members of Chinese churches, could ‘‘come apart and rest awhile,’’ and be quiet with Him, and also that it might serve as my headquarters when not taking meetings or other work away from Shanghai.
United in making this ‘‘ request known unto God'’ were two dear friends living in Shanghai, and myself. Shortly afterwards, through the gift of a gentleman from the U.S. A., visiting China, we were enabled to rent a house, to be known as the ‘‘ Bible Study and Prayer House.’’ It was in September, 1908, that I first moved into the Bible Study and Prayer House, having scarcely anything with which to keep house, as I had given away or sold most of the furniture when I gave up housekeeping three years before. My sister, however, came and helped, as she usually did, and in purchasing the necessary household things she spent a little more than I cared to, as she did all the shopping for me; and when the time came to pay the bill I found that I had not enough money. I prayed that God might send me some before she left, and about ten minutes before her going I remembered that I had some money which a friend had given me with which to buy some books for her, and I thought if I was to owe anyone I might as well borrow this money, and perhaps God would send me some before the morning. But about three minutes | before my sister started for the train, she came to me saying that God had just told her to return the money to me, and that I should accept this as her offering to y the Lord’s work.
The first Sunday in the House, six of us met together to thank God for answering prayer, and from then till now His hand has been over us and His presence very precious in our midst. Sunday and week-day Bible readings were commenced in Chinese and in English, also one in Korean, as well as prayer meetings. The q Chinese attendance increased rapidly, so that before the end of the year it was necessary to throw two of our d rooms into one. At the end of the second year the room q had7to be further enlarged, but even this soon proved to be insufficient, and we have been obliged to move again and again, seeking a larger house suitable for the ~ work. God sent friends from all the different denominations in Shanghai to these Bible readings, and it has been a great joy to testify to the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the hungering ones among His children, and to see many lives transformed through the power of His Word.
I was asked by some of the friends to keep a record of those that visited the House, but God said that I was to keep an account only of what He does (Deut. 3:2,3), and He will keep a record of what I do (Mal. 3:16). f
During the first three years of aang before God gave the House, I had asked Him to just supply my need; I could not easily carry money about with me. He answered this prayer so that for years afterwards He gave just enough to live on for, perhaps, a few days at a time.
God has not allowed me to make my personal need known to anyone but Himself (Phil. 4:6,19) and it would require much time to tell all His goodness, but I will mention just a few of the many instances, simply to glorify His name.
Two months after entering the Bible Study and Prayer House I was about to leave for a series of meetings, with a sister who had come to visit me, and I had not a penny for our journey; but about two days before leaving, a dear European sister called and said that the Lord had told her to bring fifteen dollars (Mex.), with which she had intended to purchase a bed. It was the exact amount I needed.
At another time, new garments were needed, and when I had scarcely finished praying for them, there came a parcel containing the very things needed, with © these words written on the outside, ‘‘Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” I had never understood the beauty of this passage in that way until then, that our temporary needs are only an addition to our seeking His Kingdom and righteousness. How often we reverse His order in prayer!
As the work increased, another need was that of a rickshaw; so I began to pray for one, and God soon sent me two, which, though they were not new, I used for a long time. When a new one was needed, He gave me a hundred dollars (Mex.) for it. ‘When I sent your forth without purse, and wallet, and shoes, lacked ye anything? And they said, Nothing.’
A call came to go to South China, but the difficulty that came to my mind at once was the difference in the dialect, though anyone who speaks the Mandarin would be understood more or less all over China (with the exception of the two provinces—Fukien and Kwangtung). I was ove of the many who had never learned any of the Southern dialects, but God said that it was not the language that was needed, but the power of His Spirit The messages were to be given in English and then translated into Chinese by the missionaries. It was a new experience to me. God had to further purify me for the service. Just a few days before leaving for the new field He brought to my memory another sin committed during my last examination in the medical school, when I referred to some notes I had with me, which was deceiving one of my teachers. Of course I knew what was required of me, and by the grace of God it was done.
On my arrival I found myself landed, as it were, in a foreign country as far as the language was concerned; I could not understand a single word, but before I left there I understood much in prayer and preaching.
God indeed visited us in mighty power. The Spirit of deep conviction fell on the people whenever we met together. It was truly a time of deep cleansing. Some of the dear ones could not rest or sleep for days and nights. Both private and public confessions and restitutions were made according to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and it was a glorious, as well as a very touching, sight, to behold the different ones,—pastors, preachers, and church-members, rise and push their way through the crowded church, to their fellow-members, while in true repentance and deep humiliation they took hold of one another’s hand, with tears streaming down their cheeks, each confessing his or her wrong-doing. ‘Three women walked ten miles, each carrying a baby in her arms, and God blessed them by imparting to them the Life of His Only Son.
Soon after my return from South China, the question was raised by both missionaries and Chinese from other parts of the country, whether a Summer Bible School could not be started in connection with our Prayer House. At the time it seemed impossible, but we took our ‘five loaves and two fishes’’ and offered them to the Lord, asking Him to multiply them, if He desired through us to feed the hungry souls. The prayer was soon auswered. The American Southern Baptist Mis- sion most kindly lent their church and school buildings for our use, and for four summers we have been enabled to have a three-weeks’ school, with an average attendance of about sixty. Ten different provinces have been represented. Most of those in attendance have been women, wives of preachers, Bible-women, and school teachers. It is a true test of their real hunger for the Word of God—the Living Bread,—to come, many of them, hundreds of miles in the midst of the heat in August, and it takes a great part of their vacation. While a few have been helped by the missionaries, most of them paid their own expenses, and for those who were not able to do so, we usually looked up to God for help, as it has been our desire that no hungering ones of His flock might be kept away from being fed simply because of financial inability. Our loving Father has graciously supplied all our need each time. How we praise God for His presence during these times, and give Him all the glory for the revelations of Himself, as we sat at His feet to hear His Word.
As the time goes on, calls to hold meetings continually increase, and could all invitations be accepted it would take years of work; at the same time the work in the Bible Study and Prayer House is enlarging.
In the fall of rg1r, when the Revolution took place, the Bible Study and Prayer House was opened to the refugees. Again it seemed good to the Lord to take me through some rough places, though I found much blessed fellowship with both the Chinese and missionary refugees, whom I was privileged to help in a small degree, but Satan tried his best to hinder the work.
Prayer-meetings were held every evening for some weeks, and God granted many of our petitions.
One can never forget a sight at the Shanghai and Nanking Railway Station one day when two thousand volunteer soldiers were leaving for Hankow, where the battle was raging. Most of them were fine young men, and not a few from families where they were the only sons. A good many of us went to see them off, wondering whether any of them would return again. Those young men were so full of ambition and hope of being set free from the power of the Manchus that they seemed very cheerful and happy while many tearful eyes watched them as the trains moved off. As I stood and gazed at them, it came over me afresh how little God’s people realize Satan’s bondage over them,—which is far worse than that of the Manchus, and they have so little desire for freedom, If they only knew that the victory has been won and that liberty was proclaimed at Calvary, when the spotless Lamb died in our stead, saying ‘It is finished!” We are to accept this freedom by faith and we shall see our enemies turning their backs to us as they flee from the presence of the Risen Lord in us, when He is given the full control of our life.
A sad incident occurred during this time: a young man who had had some military training, offered his services at Pukow and was accepted at once. When he saw the Northern soldiers pursuing the Southern troops, he fired at them without waiting for orders from the Captain, and instead of defeating the enemy, four hundred of his own fellow-soldiers were killed. He fired fifteen minutes too soon! The poor man was executed right on the spot. Oh, what a lesson to the soldiers of the Cross! May we always wait for the orders from the Almighty Captain, even though we may know how to handle the weapons, The waiting time may seem to many a defeat, but victory will be the sure result to those who obey implicitly. ‘Go not forth hastily to strive.’’
Soon after the Revolution, I realized that my head was very tired. I had experienced this more than once during the past few years. Instead of getting better, I became worse and worse until I reached the place where I was not able to read even a few lines without fatigue, and my speech also seemed to be affected. Some of my friends suggested an entire rest, away from Shanghai, but it did not seem possible. At last God opened the way for a complete rest at Chefoo in the New Missionary Home, through the kindness of the one in charge of it. For ten weeks I was unable to see people, but God again strengthened me, though I still seem to suffer from forgetfulness, because of which my friends have had to bear with me.