Letters and Journals, with the Narrative of His Escape

"I study Latin every forenoon, and exercise myself every afternoon in elocution, walking by the sea. In the evening I read the memoirs of Eev. Henry Martyn. It kindles my cold heart, and lowers my pride into humiliation. My faith and love to God and my fellowmen seemed me so faint that I could hardly perceive them. I am comforted by the words, 'Be of good cheer. Thy sins are forgiven thee.' While I was walking by the side of that boundless ocean I recalled also, 'Deep calleth unto deep,' and I said within myself that though my sins are deep they would by no means exhaust the deep of God's love. Then I thanked God that my face was turned neither back nor to the sides, but forward. Afterwards I found myself very foolish and ignorant, saying: 'How could I promote his kingdom to my heathen friends, seeing I am so foolish and ignorant? ' It seemed me the Lord answered: ' I will be thy master and teach thee my way. ' It is very strange that with such desire I find also evil powers in me very forcible.

"This is hottest day of the year. But in my walkings I do not suffer much heat because of love of nature.

"I was very weary this morning. Evil powers in my heart tempted me to stay at home, saying it would not be sin if you kept your heart right; you can read and praise and pray just well as in the church. I said, 'No, no.' Evil powers came in afternoon in like manner, saying, 'You are most too tired; you would not get much benefit because your head is drowsy.' I replied also, 'No, no, I will not miss the service unless I be too sick.' "

Amherst, September 23, 1867.

... I moved to the College (North College, No. 8) last Saturday. Prof. Seelye got for me all things which I need, and I paid up for them all, because he thought it is not best way to make little debts here and there. I send a list to you so that you may know how many things I bought and how much I paid for them. I wish you would send some money to me to get daily wants. I will make an oath to you that I will never spend money foolishly, but be very prudent, because my Heavenly Father provides all good things for me so that I can say: "I shall not want." When I buy anything I will write down each time and will show it to you sometime.

My room is quite large and very pleasant. My..roommate is very quiet, nice, and Christian young man. I am thankful I have found such a young man to room with. We keep up our daily duty toward our Heavenly Father by faith and prayers. I enjoy to board in Club. We have a very nice table generally. I joined to the missionary band in the College. We have interesting meetings every Sabbath morning. It is very pleasant for us to meet together, sing, praise our Maker, and ask Him that he would help us to carry the glad tidings to poor heathens. I am thankful that God called me out of the darkness and made me know the place where I may rest the eternal rest. Therefore I am entirely willing to preach the Gospel to my countrymen so that they may also be happy as I am. When I proclaim the truth to them perhaps they will persecute me, but I am not afraid of it, having this confidence in Jesus that though I should die in the dark regions He would cause me to live in the bright heaven forever. I saw in some paper sixty -three Japanese native Christians were arrested at Yokohama. But I say, it will stand, it must stand, and the Gospel must be known to them.

I feel always grateful for your kind care and 1 pray in your behalf without ceasing. I would like to hear from you very much.

Amherst, October 30, 1867.... I am very happy to tell you about my father's letter which I have first received since I left home. He received my letter which I wrote him last spring from Andover. He says that some American gentleman in Yokohama sent my letter by his faithful Japanese friend to him so that no trouble might fall on it. He was waiting there to get his reply anc^ carry it to Yokohama, therefore my father wrote it with great haste. I will not tell you all what he said, but a few particular points. He was very anxious of me since he heard the information of my escaping from Hakodate. But he was so glad to hear from me over the water and find out where I am and how I am successful. He did not complain much for my leaving Japan, but, seems me, he was very much contented of it, because I wrote to him about beautiful American customs, and told him also what I do, what I study, how I feel happy, and how / believe in true God. His family are all well. My grandfather is still living. He is eighty -two years old and his health is quite well. He wrote to me a Japanese short poem which means that he is expecting my return most every day. I hope he would live till my return, so that I may tell him the way where he may find Jesus....

He did not reply about the religion which I explained to him quite plainly. I suppose he had not time to write many things. I also received letters from my friend who lives in my prince's house, my brother, and sister. My friend says he did always try to comfort my parents and grandfather so that they might not be too much anxious of me, and he will comfort them in future also. He told me he will take good care for my family as well as his family. My brother says when he read my letter that he was so excited that the tears ran over his face, and cold perspiration covered whole his body. He gave much thanks for my advice and instruction. He is studying Chinese in a high school. He feels quite ignorant and humble. He says he is like a flag which dwells in a small well and sees the heavens in little space. He wishes to see vast ocean and wide heaven. He comes in his prince's house every day and teaches Chinese to many children. My sister says she is praying for me to her vain gods every day — I am pity of her....

Amherst, November 16, 1867.... My vacation will come pretty soon, but I know not where I may go. Will you tell me where I may go? I hope I would study some during the vacation, but if you find good chance I will work something to pay my expenses. I asked Prof. Seelye about my staying in the College room during vacation, but he told me the law of the college does not allow to keep any students in the rooms during the winter vacation lest the building should get fire. He invites me to spend the vacation with him. I don't know myself which way I should take. Please tell me which way I may take. I will follow your information.

Last Sunday morning Dr. Treat preached at the chapel. In the afternoon Rev. Mr. Wheeler gave full account of his work at Harpoot, and at the evening Dr. Clark made remarks to evangelize Chinese empire, and made a noble statement to send a thousand missionaries to North China within ten years. They were very good and encouraged me very much indeed. I was almost persuaded to go forth to fight against Babylon, and break down the great wall of Satan. Yet I must nourish up myself and must wait until I have full strength and knowledge of our X<ord Jesus Christ. This thought keeps me always happy and encourages me to go on my daily studies....

Amherst, December 1, 1867.

... I had a letter from Mrs. Hardy last Monday. She invited me to spend the vacation with her and told me Capt. Taylor has arrived in Boston. So I must go up to Boston by all means. I proposed to go last Monday when I finish my sawing wood (O, hard wood! made my spinal column pain!), but the same morning two young men called on me unexpectedly. Do you think who they are? Two Japanese from Monson. They hindered my sawing wood but I was perfectly satisfied to spend a few days with my countrymen.

When I saw them I did not know whether should I speak English or Japanese, but they began to talk Japanese with me, so I was obliged to speak my own tongue. At first I found some confusion to talk to them, but I did speak better and faster than they did. They stayed in my room whole morning, and the afternoon I showed them all cabinets and Gymnasium. I called on them at Hotel in the evening and I stayed there after ten o'clock. We read together 28th chapter of St. Matthew. I think they understood the chapter quite well, but they found trouble to understand the Trinity; so I explained to them far as I know. They asked me to make prayers, but I could not make them in Japanese, so I made them in English. Though they cannot speak English freely, yet they understand English very well.

These two are best scholars among those Japanese in Monson. I hope they will become good instruments to their countrymen. I spoke with them about the religious matters during these hours. They found their sins; they found also the way where they meet their Master. They have humble and beautiful spirits, just as little children. They thought first they would study some sciences to benefit their country, but God opened their blind eyes and took away thick veil between them and heaven. He made them know the grace through which they may have immortality. So they feel grateful for his tender care towards them (though they are sinners) and they hope also to do some good things to their people for the sake of Christ. I am thankful that God bless my countrymen so much, and I hope the time will soon come for Gospel to bear fruit in the barren and unmatured land.

January 10, 1868.

This is the beginning of the year, therefore I hope to renew my spirit to perform my Christian duty better, and to keep up my Christian light intenser and to be ready for His calling. I am praying and watching lest I should fall into sin. So I am praying for your family in same manner. Take good care for your health and enjoy yourself under the cross.

February 14, 1868.

I enjoy my college life very much, and I cannot express my great and deep joy in Jesus with my pen. He helps me to resist all evils, He comforts me with the Holy Spirit, He guides me in the path of righteous with his gentle hand, saying, "Come, take the water of life freely." Is it not kind invitation for a sinner like me? When I think of his grace I do not think about the world's things. I like to do something boldly for the advancement of his kingdom.

February 21, 1868.

I had a recent news from Japan which told me about war between Shogun and princes. Shogun's residence in Yedo was burned by a mob of Satsuma prince who educates the young men at Monson. It is very short walk from my home, but I do not feel anxious about my folks because I demand them under the protection of the Almighty Hand.

To-morrow will be holiday. We shall not have any recitations. I should like to have such a day once and a while. I salute you all for the day, for the gift of the hero to this nation, and for independence. I should like to see such freedom in my country.

March 25, 1868.

My coat sleeves and button holes almost wear out, and its color fades away some. If you have coat at hand I wish you would give me one so that I may wear it to the church. But if you have not any I will wait till the next fall, because it is not my privilege to wear new clothing. But it shall be my great desire to wear a pure and white robe in the future world.

March 30, 1868.

I have been quite nervous these four or five weeks. I was not able to sleep soundly. Dr. Hitchcock recommend me to take footbath every evening and eat some light things just before I go to bed to stupefy my brain. I did so faithfully sometime, but I stopped it last week because I can sleep better than used be — also I do not wish to spend money in such vain way. Does Mr. Hardy take much walk? I think the walking is essential and also desirable for business men and students. When I study long while in my room I feel oppressive and tiresome, but when I go out in field, open my lung and breathe abundant oxygen, I feel always light, happy, and vigorous. It is only way for me to restore my health, so I wish Mr. Hardy would take much exercise in open air. Please give my love to him and all.

Amherst, April 27, 1868. I received your kind letter and check and an inclosure from Japan in due time. I thank you for your kind request for my illness. I feel almost better, but Prof. Seelye still keeps me in his house. I do not know what I should do for his kindness but thanks only. He is very much afraid that I should take cold again because the weather is so changeable and unpleasant, and does not allow me to go to recitations. So I am still staying in his house. He pleases to have me in his home very much because Mrs. Seelye does not yet come back from Albany. But I must go back to my room soon as I can. When I received your check I thought it would be very hard work for me to obtain so much with my own hand and felt grateful for your gift. When Prof. Seelye 's man brought me your letter he told me, "this is from your home," not knowing truly where it came from. When I looked at its direction I perceived it came from you, but I felt some soft thing in it like Japan paper, so I replied him "probably it may be." Then I opened it. It was really a letter from home. My fa- tlier told me he wrote me sometime ago before that, but I have not received it yet. He says his family is all well except my mother, she has been so anxious of me since I took my adventure. My sister wrote me also. They send their especial regards and much thanks to you. Beside that, there is great confusion among the people. The people of Yedo have great fear that the enemy of Shogun should attack the city, so my father and all wish me come back. But I am not his own. How can I go back now, having a plow on my hands? I must prepare myself for my Master's work. Yet I think I can do great good for my mother here. I can pray fervently for her. God is present everywhere, so I trust He will take care of her. If I go back now I suppose I must go to war. I do not wish at all to kill myself in such a barbarous war. But I devote myself to go to battle against Satan, taking the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Will you remember my mother in your prayers? I pray for her many times a day. I hope God will preserve her life till she may hear the word of life.

Amherst, June 15, 1868. I began lately to collect minerals, because I thought it will be worth to me to know something about them. When I was home I thought Japan is a farming country, but I think now she is a mineral country. There are several mines of gold, silver, copper, iron, platinum (lately discovered), and many pre-cious stones. But the people generally keep temples of gods on summits of mountains, and dare not touch them, even though they see veins of minerals very plainly, lest they should defile the temples of gods and gods would pour out wrath upon them. Perhaps I may not spend much time for minerals when I go home, but I hope I will teach them only wise Creator, remove their foolish ideas, and stir them up to take in Christian civilization.