Letters and Journals, with the Narrative of His Escape

Berlin, October 2, 1872.

I found yours of the 25th of August from Berchtesgaden on my return to Berlin. I was very much pleased for your kind and interesting letter, and trust your health and Mr. Hardy's was very much bene- fited by breathing in that invigorating mountain air. I have had a difficult matter for my consideration for these past few weeks. As you know well I was quite undecided whether I should go home with Mr. Tanaka, or come back to America to finish my study in Andover. I have been deliberating on the question these long whiles. But since I came back here I am requested by Mr. Tanaka to go home with him. He says he could not get along without me, for he has some intention to print some Christian books besides his own reports. Another thing has arisen to hasten me to go home for a while. That is to say, I began to feel cold weather sensibly here in Berlin within a few days. So I fear my old trouble may come back to me if I expose myself to a very cold weather. This thought does discourage me to go back to Andover to resume my study this year. So' I thought that I might go home for a year or two to get rid of this rheumatic trouble in that milder climate, and then I may possibly be prepared to meet the cold New England winter again. It causes me a great regret for my not resuming the study at present, but I am obliged to look after my health. If you have no objection I would rather decide to go home with Mr. Tanaka. I wish you would tell me what I should do. As you know, it was an understanding between you and me that I should come back to America by all means before I go home. Mr. Tanaka is talking to go home via Suez, for it would be a great deal warmer than by the American continent. But I would rather go via Boston; and if the cold weather might be very unsafe for my rheumatism, I might tarry in warmer part of Europe until the next spring. But I fear Mr. Tanaka would not wait for me until the next spring, for he has detached himself entirely from the embassy. If I forsake him he will be alone. Shall I satisfy my own ardent desire to see my American friends and cause an inconveniency to Mr. Tanaka, or accommodate Mr. Tanaka and deny my own appetite? I am determined to come back to the United States to resume and complete my theological study in order to fit myself wholly for the missionary labor. I have no desire after the worldly wealth or fame, for I believe I have firmly fixed my eyes to the glory and excellence of Christ. Since I came to Europe and saw so many ungodly people I can clearly see the necessity of the gospel truth to human soul's.

We have now about eighty Japanese students in Berlin, but all of them have fallen in the habit of ridiculing Christian people without knowing what Christian truth is. One of them asked Mr. Tanaka' s intimate friend whether Mr. Tanaka has become a priest, because that irreligious Japanese has heard of his being with me and reading Christian books with an intense interest. When Mr. Tanaka heard about that contemptuous lemark he did not mind of it, but was only smiling. I think if these men go home they will cause a great hindrance to the cause of Christ's church, which has just begun to exist in Japan. I am thinking it may be a good season now for me to open a way to the missionaries and shade the national education with the Christian and moral principles before they attempt to do great mischief to the country. O that God may direct all my thoughts and affairs. I pray you to advise me what steps I should take. I trust you will throw a better light upon me.

I am working pretty hard now, spending nearly six hours a day for translating the school laws and reports of different European countries.

Berlin, October 20, 1872.

Your fatherly kindness and deepest sympathy with me did move me to many tears. I have been prayerfully and more deeply thinking upon the question I did propose to you in my last letter, and am earnestly seeking for a better light not to plan my future affairs worldly, but to yield myself to the whispering voice "follow me."

Yes, I may possibly render some good service to our people by going home with Mr. Tanaka and assisting him in establishing a new school system in Japan. If I do engage to such a work I would not give it up in a half way, and if I do wish to accomplish it, it could not be done at least within two or three years. Mr. Tanaka does not think that the work would take much time, and as soon as an educational system is established in the country he would send me back to resume my theological study. He does think our work no less easy than his traveling through a large part of Europe within four months. But I must not take what he says without careful consideration. It is well for me to exercise the Bible teaching: "Be wise as serpent and harmless as dove." If I go home now without looking afar off I may probably be fallen into a snare and find a considerable difficulty to get out again. If I am fastened by such a way, what shall I do with the voice "follow me"? As our lives are too brief I must not take too much of my time for the worldly affairs. In order to work for my Master it is necessary for me to make a due preparation; in order to qualify myself to the work it is also necessary to breathe once more in the pious atmosphere of New England. Would you pray for me that Providence may bring me once more to Andover Seminary? Please let all my things be in Andover as they now are.

Berlin, December 16, 1872. In regard to my future steps, not hearing from you any further advice, I made a decision not to go home with Mr. Tanaka. Please allow me to give you a reason for my decision. 1st. Mr. Tanaka does not know exactly what position he could get for me, only that he should make use of me by some way. His invitation is not authoritative, but his private opinion. The Japanese government is still unsettled; and if he is replaced in his position, who will be responsible for me? Therefore I will not accept his invitation, for it seems me too much like a child's play. 2d. If I go home now, while I may possibly render some service for our government, I fear my time will be taken up too much for that purpose and cause me delay to commence my service to my spiritual sovereign. I feel more and more that I am captured by my Saviour, and shall not be happy if I do not work for my Master. As my theological course is not yet half finished, I would like to resume it until I should be ordained to preach the gospel to my benighted countrymen. It was my first choice that I should ever take my cross and follow my Master. It is my happiest choice, and I believe it is the best choice. As you have been my spiritual mother and kind patron thus far, I trust you will still continue your kindness and allow me to promote my study still further. I have been intending to send you some money, which I have saved for my educational purposes, to be kept by you. I should like to tell you some of my experiences in Germany, but time does not allow me to do so. I called on Mr. Sears a few days ago; he is much interested in music. Since I wrote you my health has been very poor, — nervousness, sleeplessness, and dizzy headache. I once almost concluded to discontinue my work, but I am slowly gaining now. I was perfectly awestruck when I heard the news that the charming city, the Queen of New England, was devoured with the tongues of consuming fire. I do not know how large share you have in the calamity, but I trust it would not be very heavy upon you.

Berlin, January 6, 1873.

Allow me to shake your hands at a great distance and congratulate you from this side of Atlantic for your entering into another year with ever increasing happiness and prosperity, as I trust. As for me I can simply say as Apostle Paul said, I am what I am. Though my health has been rather poor I am still permitted to keep up my engagements for our government. How good God has been with me during the past years. As our future is entirely unknown to us, I simply trust He will lead you and me step by step, as it was in past, into eternal future.

Now allow me to inform you what a pleasant time I had last Christmas Eve with Mr. Sears. It was the first for me to see the real German Christmas festival. It is customary with the Germans to sing on every occasion. It was opened with singing and reading the New Testament. Then we were shut up in a room without light, and after a while were led into another room where we found many piles of the presents on the tables. He gave me a pretty traveling valise. I was much pleased with the festival, not simply that it was rather a new and strange thing to me, but that every one in the room was smiling with the intense admiration.

Since that time I have been very busy for getting Mr. Tanaka ready to leave Berlin. He left three days ago for Vienna and Rome, and will start from Paris for Japan this month; so I shall be obliged to finish my report for him before he starts. Besides the educational affairs I was requested by him to write a brief report on the Christian churches in England and America.

Perhaps you have already noticed in your paper that our government has given up our old calendar, and adopted the European one. All our eighty Japanese students in Berlin gathered at one of the restaurants and drank beer to celebrate our new epoch. I went there also, but did not enjoy it very much. There was the uncle of our emperor in that gathering. He appeared very humble and gentlemanly. I am also glad to inform you that one of the Japanese students in Berlin came to me the first Sabbath of this year and requested me to explain the Bible to him, and also take him to the Methodist church, where I generally go. I was quite surprised by his request; it is entirely voluntary. We took the Gospel of St. John for our first exercise. He had the Chinese and German Bibles and I the English and German. Of course we used our native tongue for the conversation. We were very much interested, and two hours of hard study seemed to us very short. He went away quite satisfied and promising to continue his study every

Sabbath. He told me that none of the Japanese students in Berlin study the Bible. How sad it is that so many know nothing of Christianity. I wish you would offer special prayer for that one who has just begun to study with me, that the thick unbelieving scales may fall from his eyes and he may see the gentle Saviour standing by him.

Berlin, January 15, 1873.

I have just received your kind letters. It does seem to me a gentle and refreshing rain to a dry and parching land. I am so glad you passed the last Christmas with your friends so pleasantly and were ready to enter into the new year.

Through your description of the present state of Boston I could almost see the ruin before my eyes.

With regard to Japan, she is getting brighter and brighter, although the progress is somewhat superficial. I am so rejoiced to know that my aged father had an opportunity to see my teacher and friend, Professor Seelye.

I have not felt well at all since my return to Berlin, probably owing to my extensive trip and continued labor. I have been unable to go out for three days on account of rheumatism. Dr. Keep and my physician advise me to go to Wiesbaden. I could not reconcile to the idea of going there, for I thought it is not the place for a poor fellow like myself; but after an investigation I found it not so expensive as I thought, so I made up my mind to go there. If you have no objection I should like to remain in Europe until next summer, partly for my health and partly for my further investigation on the educational system of Ger- many. But as I am your minor you must tell me what you think the best and I will follow your guide. I have sent you a check for $480 gold. I calculate it will be sufficient to support me for another year's study in Andover.

Wiesbaden, March 5, 1873.

I have been here just three weeks and taken nineteen baths. My health has been improving pretty steadily, and I hope as soon as the weather is settled to be well again. I think this bath is an excellent thing for rheumatism, but it does rather excite my nerves. Hence my nervous headache is no better than it was three weeks ago. My physician advises me to continue the bath a week or two longer and also drink the mineral water. When I started from Berlin I was much disheartened, for I thought it too bad for a young man like myself to be unable to do much bodily or mentally, and to go to a bathing place for cure. But since I came here and saw many suffering young people in much worse condition than myself, I began to feel very much encouraged and also to be thankful for God's gentle dealing with me.

I suppose you are well acquainted with this place, so I shall not make you any description of it. It is a very pretty place, but a large part of the people are pleasure worshipers. The theatre, dancing party, and masked ball are very well attended, but the churches are empty. Yet I have found here a few real Christians and made several acquaintances among them. They were so glad to see me who was brought to light from darkness. Although I am living here amidst strangers, I begin to feel quite at home by knowing these few Christian people. Taking the whole it seems me that Protestantism in Germany is a matter of policy and does differ vastly from what it is on the free shore of New England.

April 6, 1873.

My thought daily flies towards you, but, alas, my bodily infirmities! Although my rheumatism is entirely over, I am still troubled by heavy, dizzy, and constant headache. I left bath house two weeks ago and came to Pastor H 's house. He is a very pious Lutheran preacher. Although his dogmatic view is somewhat different from mine, there is no slightest unpleasantness between us. He wishes that I should study the Lutheran theology and tries to convince me it is purest among all others. But I cannot quite agree to some points.

Mr. Sears informs me that he is decided to start for home on the steamer Germania, June 14th, from Hamburg. I thought at once I should accompany him. While I was reflecting upon this subject in my sleepless bed a thought came upon me which you may possibly call an ambitious one. As you know, I have been in Germany over seven months, five of which I spent entirely for Mr. Tanaka; so I have not had great opportunity to learn the language. If I return to America or Japan without knowing the language sufficiently I shall be very much laughed at by my countrymen who are now making such a progress at home in sciences and European languages under foreign instructors. I also think it very necessary for me to keep myself a little ahead of them in modern thoughts, sciences, and language, in order to be a public man religiously. If I return to America in

June it would be just vacation time, and I may not accomplish a great deal there. So I am rather persuaded to remain in Germany until the first of August. I received a good news from home about two weeks ago. My father and sister wrote me very pleasantly. He says in his letter how pleased he was with the news of my accompanying Mr. Tanaka, and says also his long anxiety for me is well paid by it. He went to Yokohama and received the money which I sent him from Boston. Since the Japanese feudal system is abolished and he is deprived of his possession in his prince's house, he has been living on what he has saved during his service. A missionary in Yokohama told him the story of Joseph, comparing him to this unworthy Joseph. He says he came to Yokohama on a little carriage driven by man instead of horse. It is the present fashion of our conveyance.