With and Without Christ

From my earliest years, my mother impressed on me that I should abstain from every kind of sin and should be sympathetic and helpful to all in trouble. One day, when my father had given me some pocket money I ran off to the bazaar to spend it. On the way, I saw a very old woman famished with cold and hunger. When she asked help from me, I felt such pity that I gave her all my money. I came back home and told my father that he should give the poor woman a blanket or she would die of cold. He put me off by saying that he had often helped her before and that it was the turn of the neighbours to do their part.

When I saw that he was not willing to help her, by stealth I extracted five rupees from his pocket, intending to give it to her to buy a blanket with. The thought that I should be able to help her gave me great satisfaction, but the thought that I was a thief pricked my conscience. My distress was further increased in the evening when my father, on discovering that the rupees were missing, asked me if I had taken them, and I denied it. Though I had escaped from punishment, my whole conscience so tormented me the whole night that I could not sleep. Early in the morning I went to my father, and confessed my theft and my lies, and gave back the money. In spite of the fear that he would punish me, the burden was at once removed from my heart. But instead of punishing me, he took me in his arms and with tears in his eyes said: “My son, I have always trusted you, and now I have good proof that I was not wrong.” He not only forgave me, but spent the five rupees on a blanket for the old woman, and gave me another rupee for myself to buy sweets with. After that he never refused when I asked for anything, and on my part, I decided that I would never do anything that should be against my conscience, or against my parents’ will.

Some time after this my mother died, and a few months later my elder brother also died. This brother’s nature and turn of mind were very like my own. ‘The loss of these two dear ones was a great shock to me; especially did the thought that I should never see them again cast me into despondency and despair, because I could never know into what form they had been re-born, nor could I ever even guess what I was likely to be in my next re-births. In the Hindu religion, the only consolation for a broken heart like mine was that I should submit to my Fate, and bow down to the inexorable law of Karma.

Now another change came into my life. I was sent, for my secular education, to a small primary school that had been opened by the American Presbyterian Mission in our village at Rampur. At that time I had so many prejudices about Christianity that I refused to read the Bible at the daily Bible lessons. My teachers insisted that I should attend, but I was so opposed to this that the next year I left that school and went to a Government school at Sanewal three miles away, and there I studied for some months. To some extent I felt that the teaching of the Gospel on the love of God attracted me, but I still thought it was false and opposed it. So firmly was I set in my opinions, and so great was my unrest, that one day, in the presence of my father and others, I tore up a Gospel and burned it.

Though, according to my ideas at that time, I thought I had done a good deed in - burning the Gospel, yet my unrest of heart increased, and for two days after that J was very miserable. On the third day, when I felt I could bear it no longer, I got up at three in the morning, and after bathing, I prayed that if there was a God at all He would reveal Himself to me, and show me the way of salvation, and end this unrest of my soul. I firmly made up my mind that, if this prayer was not answered, I would before daylight go down to the railway and place my head on the line before the incoming train. I remained till about half-past four praying and waiting and expecting to see Krishna, or Buddha, or some other Avatar of the

Hindu religion, but they appeared not, but a light shining in the room. I opened the door to see where it came from, but all was dark outside. I returned inside, and the light increased in intensity and took the form of a globe of light above the ground, and in this light there appeared, not the form I expected, but the Living Christ whom I had counted as dead. To all eternity I shall never forget His glorious and loving face, nor the few words which He spoke, ‘““Why do you persecute me? See, I have died on the Cross for you and for the whole world.” ‘These words were burned into my heart as by lightning, and I fell on the ground before Him. My heart was filled with inexpressible joy and peace, and my whole life was entirely changed. Then the old Sundar Singh died and a new Sundar Singh, to serve the Living Christ, was born.

After a little while I went to my father, who was still sleeping, and told him of the appearance, and that I was now a Christian. He said, “What are you talking about? It is only three days since you burned their book. Go away and sleep, you silly boy,’ and he himself turned over again. Later on I told the whole family what I had seen, and that I was now a Christian. Some said I was mad, some that I had dreamed: but, when_they saw that I was not to be turned, they began to persecute me. But the persecution was nothing compared with that miserable unrest I had had when I was without Christ; and it was not difficult for me to endure the troubles and persecution which now began.

The thought of being a Sadhu had long been in my mind, and I now decided that as a Sadhu I would serve the Lord Christ. There were two or three other boys at that time who also wanted to become Christians. ‘Two, because of the punishment given them by their parents, went back, and another went to Khanna, and was baptised there by Rev. E. P. Newton, but shortly afterwards his father went to him with a story that his mother was dying, and enticed him back. Very soon after he died, apparently of poison.

When it became difficult for me to remain at Rampur, Mr. Newton advised me to go into the Christian Boys’ Boarding School at Ludhiana. There the Missionaries, Drs. Wherry and Fife, received me very kindly and protected me in every way. But I was shocked when I saw the unchristian life of some of the Christian boys and of some of the local Christians, for I had the idea that those who followed the Living

Christ must be like angels; in this I was sadly mistaken. It is quite possible that had I not had that appearance of the Living Christ, and received new life from Him, I should have stumbled and gone astray and have become an enemy of Christianity. Even as it was, I decided to leave the school and these Christians, and live apart, and, as a Sadhu, follow Christ wherever He should lead me in His work. During the summer holidays I went to Subathu and Simla, and, instead of returning to school, I was baptised and began to go about as a Sadhu and preach the Gospel.

Non-Christian seekers after truth, in order to find it, willingly suffer unbelievable hardships, and had all who claim to be Christian been anything like as true or whole-hearted in their efforts to spread the kingdom of the Living Christ, the whole world would long ago have become Christian. But we have to confess that in this the Christian Church has signally failed.

Now, through living with Christ and having had experience of Him, I have learned this secret, that before ever I knew Him or believed on Him as my Saviour, He, unknown to me, was working in my soul like medicine working in the eye. For the eye cannot see the medicine that is in it which is clearing the sight, though it feels its presence.

My restless soul searched for Him, but, though He was near me, He was hidden from my view and was trying to bring me to Him-. self. Iwas in the world’s garden like a child whose mother had hidden herself behind a bush. The child began to cry, and, as soon as the gardener heard him, he came, and to soothe him offered him one kind of fruit after another. But he threw them all down, and kept on crying: “I don’t want them. I want my mother.” At last his mother came out from behind the bush, and, taking him in her arms, kissed him and wiped his tears. Safe in her arms he found what he wanted. In this way, our Universal Mother at times hides herself in the garden of this Universe. Those who, like this child, can be satisfied with nothing but their mother’s love will find that she also watches them and lifts them to her bosom and, wiping away their tears, restores to them real happiness for ever (Isaiah xlix. 15; Rev. xxi. 3-4).

Without Christ I was without hope and full of fear about the future life. Now, by His presence, He has turned fear into love, and hopelessness into realisation; and fear is transitory, but love is eternal. Faith and love are the tendrils of the soul, which, in the light and heat of God’s sun, grow towards heaven, and cling round the Lord of Love, but without Him, hopeless and in the dark, they wither away and die.

In fellowship with Him who is the Resurrection and the Life, we are freed from fear of death, and by sharing in that victory over death enter into eternal life. He is, at the same time, present in both worlds. He was in the physical world and was at the same time in the spiritual world; because, when He stood at the tomb of Lazarus and with His Creator’s voice said: “Lazarus, come forth,” he called the spirit of His friend; not from his body, nor from his grave, but from the spiritual world. ‘Thence, as soon as it heard His command, it returned to the grave and to his body.

It is characteristic of this new life that it constrains one to bring others to Christ, not by compulsion but from the desire to let others share in the joy of this wonderful experience. However sore one’s trials may be, they are forgotten in the joy of that service.

Once I went to preach at a village two miles from my old home at Rampur. I spoke for a long time, and it was dark before I finished, and then the people all left me and went to their houses. Tired and hungry I sought rest under a tree. I had had no food all day, and it was against my principles to beg. Lying there, weak and hungry, Satan tempted me with the thought that, when I was at my home, I always had every comfort, but now that I had left all for Christ’s sake

I was poor and hungry. Then, in spite of it all, my heart was filled with a wonderful peace and joy that not only overcame the temptation but compelled me to break out into song, and till midnight I praised the Lord; and after this these words broke from my lips: “When I had ease and comfort at home, I knew nothing of this wonderful peace. But now when all is gone I have found in Christ this peace, which the world can neither give nor take away.”

Some of the people had been aroused by my singing, and two of them came to me. They were greatly impressed when I told them a little of my experience, but when they heard that I had not eaten since morning they were very perturbed that I had not told them. They at once prepared some food and gave it to me, and I thanked God and them; and, having eaten it, I lay down and slept.

The next day I preached in a few villages near by and then went to Rampur. There also the people listened well. In the evening I went to my home. At first my father refused to see me, or to let me in, because by becoming a Christian I had dishonoured the family. But after a little while he came out and said: “Very well, you can stay here tonight; but you must get out early in the morning; don’t show me your face again.” [| remained silent, and that night he made me sit at a distance that I might not pollute them or their vessels, and then he brought me food, and gave me water to drink by pouring it into my hands from a vessel held high above, as one does who gives a drink to an outcaste. When I saw this treatment, I could not restrain the tears from flowing from my eyes that this father, who used to love me so much, now hated me as if I were untouchable. In spite of all this, my heart was filled with inexpressible peace. I thanked him for this treatment also, and said: “It does not matter if you have forsaken me, because I have taken Christ for the love of Him who gave His life for me, and His love is unchangeable, and is far greater than yours. Before I became a Christian I dishonoured Christ, but He did not forsake me; now I do not complain. I thank you for your past love to me, and also for this present treatment’; and respectfully I said good-bye, and went away. In the fields I prayed and thanked God, and then slept under a tree; and in the morning continued my way.